11 January 2016

Gender Identity and Swimming Pools

If you notice by the title of this blog, I will be talking about gender identity, gender dysphoria and swimming pools and just bathing suits in general. If you are uncomfortable reading something that is about that, please feel free to ignore this post. I promise my feelings will not be hurt. 

Many of my readers know that I am currently in Iceland on a Cross-Cultural Immersion with Wartburg but what they don't know is I identify as Transgender. For those who may not know what that means the best personal definition I can give is I am in the process of being who I know I am on the inside and that is different then my biological body. For me I identify as Female-to-Male Transgender but individuals also can can Male-to-Female and simply Transgender with no specifics. This will be about my time at the local swimming pool. 

Being in Iceland is great, it reminds me much of my time studying in Wales and the joy that there was surrounding those months. As much as my professor could prepare me for the experience of the swimming pool, I was still unsure of how it was going to happen. 

You see, Iceland is full of hot water, and thus their swimming pools are all natural (great for people who have allergies) and they are warm (double yeah for the bitter cold wind). The thing is because the water is all natural, the chemicals that the states pools have that clean the water are absent. Which means the showering before you go into the pool is very important. 

To get a better picture of what this was, I am going to try my best to describe it to you. 
You walk in to this gym sort of place, it is kinda like the YMCA. After you pay and receive access to the place, you walk through the gates that are common at amusement parks and sporting events. Once there the shoes come off in the hallway (which is common almost everywhere) and enter into the locker room assigned to your gender. 

Right there was my first conundrum....my gender is male, everyone around me seems to know that yet my biological sex does not match up. What do I do? Risk my safety and use the locker room that is for men or suck it up and use the women locker room because my body is the same as others. 

Well I walked with the other women in the group into the locker room and felt a sudden rush of gender dysphoria...I am a male, I do not belong here. I pushed back all the fear and anxiety and continued in. The locker room was set up the same expect one difference; clothes were not always worn in the locker room. You must shower naked, no joke. People were walking either to the shower or drying off and it seemed as no one cared that everyone around them was naked. Once we stripped down and grabbed our swimming suits, we headed into a communal shower space and cleaned the spots that the poster said we must. I focused on the wall in front of me and not the people around me but it was hard. As soon as I was done washing I put on my suit, then my board shorts and finally a shirt. I was starting to feel better about the whole situation. 

Telling you about the swimming pool would not be very helpful but from a trans perspective, the swimming suits were smaller here than in the states. Many women were in a bikini bottom and what seemed like a bra, men typically just wore short shorts or trunks. It was very different then what I am used to but it seemed like the norm. Trying to figure out a bathing suit that would work for me is harder then it seems. Men wear shorts, women wear suits that cover things. I am fairly content with what I ended up with but I know for this summer for water things, the under swimming suit will be no more and a shirt and shorts will be what I will enjoy. 

Pretend that you have now finished swimming and you must go back to dry off. The thing is just like in the beginning you must shower...naked. Not sure why the second time was different but it felt different this time I was more confident in my skin. I still showered as quickly as possible and changed just as quickly. It was nice to put my ball cap on and my shorts with a t-shirt. Clothes determine how one will feel in their body. 

Being someone who identifies as trans the way I feel in my skin is very important. This experience could have been rather negative, but thankfully the processing I have had has made me a better person. I experienced something I wish I did not have to but I realized that even though my body doesn't match my gender identity, I am still male. Yes I have the body of a female and will for some time, but that doesn't matter. I am male. I was not looked at any different or judged because I was trying to pass as a guy but welcomed me fully into the experience. 

Thankfully the experience was not traumatic for me and I am happy about that. I do enjoy single stall bathrooms and will continue to use them and do things to pass but I am a male and that is all that happens. 

My time in Iceland is not even half over and I have been welcomed here fully. I enjoy every moment of it and am happy that I am here, my experiences are different from my group as one of the lenses I look at things through is in relation to gender identity. I am hopeful for more powerful and affirmative interactions while my time continues.

Peace my friends. 

Creator God, you made us perfect in your image from the beginning, allow our lives to be transformed as we live into that calling. Bless this time in Iceland that fruitful experiences and conversations continue to happen. Hold those close that struggle with gender identity and gender dysphoria and allow everyone to find a place that welcomes them no matter what. Thank you for the blessings that surround us everyday. What you have made is beautiful and praise is never ending. Amen 

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